Despite being totally normal I have had a bit of an odd life from time to time. One place I lived at had a pet goat who used to come and watch TV with us. Her name was Meepos. She had very soft lips – don’t ask me how I know this.
Things I learnt:
* Goats eat everything they want to eat, especially the neighbour’s rose bushes.
* Goats don’t like standing on wet grass and much prefer standing on the roof of your car.
* Never let a goat burp in your face.
Here’s a poem about Meepos.
Oh Meepos dear, my lovely goat
with your black and white and shiny coat,
You sit on the chair and watch the telly
even though your breath is really smelly,
and as you walk about or skip or run
you drop a stream of currants from your bum
and if I leave you in the room alone
I think it’s safe coz you can’t use phones
but bills, and cheques and five pound notes
you think are tasty food for goats.
Your favourite show is Strictly Come Dancing
you bleat and kick and copy their prancing.
But weirder still, you like Anton Dubec
and can tell the difference between Ant and Dec.
You don’t have time to read the papers
you prefer the celebrity dancing capers.
Instead of reading about credit crunch
you eat the papers for your lunch.
You prefer your news shown on telly
and especially read by Lorraine Kelly.
Thank god I haven’t got Sky TV
or there’d never be TV left for me
because you’d Sky Plus all of BBC1
and have non-stop celebrity dancing fun,
and when I tried to find the remote
I’d turn and see a chewing goat
munching on crunchy remote-control plastic
watching them trip the light fantastic.