Well the first time Jodie did it,
she didn’t do it well.
She swallowed pills
then called her aunt
who stopped her flight to hell.

The second time as Jodie cried,
she did it in the shower,
she slashed her arms
but passed out fast
and got saved by Tyrone Gower.

At third attempt,
she really meant,
to overdose on vodka,
but it burnt her throat
and she puked it out
on Tyrone’s cat (called Bodger).

For number four,
a noose, a door
and weights around her ankles
but miscalculation,
failed strangulation,
she fell sobbing to the floor.

The fifth, a miss, involved a train
and her standing on the line,
but fate’s final laugh,
it had whizzed past;
for once it was on time.

So now she stands, try number six
this time it better work,
into the mains,
she plugged her brains
she’s going to go beserk.

She popped, she writhed,
she smoked, she fizzed
oh God it was so awful
her hair, it frizzed
but what she’d missed
was Jodie is immortal.

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